The Feeling of Loss
by KyaChann
Summary: There he was, lost in the darkness blinded by his own hate. Looking around he found nothing, until a voice came. After that another voice was heard 'I hate being alone' said a young boy, before staring at Sasuke like a doll staring into someone's soul, with mischievous smile appearing in his lips. Sasuke had to kill him, to destroy him, to scream but he couldn't. Slight Sasuke x OC


There he was, lost in the darkness blinded by his own hate. Sasuke looked around, just to find nothing. No matter how much he looked. No matter how much he searched. No light, no sound, nothing, just the purest of the silences. He felt nothing, actually he wasn't able to feel anything, seeing that he just couldn't allow himself to.

He sighed, starting to walk slowly, his eyes never leaving the ground. Unwittingly, Sasuke was hoping to find something, someone, just anything.

He stopped.

Wait? What was he searching for after all? He lost his parents, his family when he was just but 7. He grew up suppressing all his emotions, allowing hate to become his only company and friend, just so he would be able to get stronger, be able to kill Itachi and finally revenge his clan, and where did this all led him to?

He lost everything he ever held dear, everything that meant something to him. He killed his own brother for fuck's sake! For what? Find out the truth about him soon after!

So. What was he searching for? Comfort? Warm? Fuck it all to hell, like he cared about trivial things like that.

"_Forgive me Sasuke… It ends with this._" He heard, immediately recognizing the voice's owner.

He turned around, looking everywhere. He was lost, confused even. He had to find him. He really had to! And so, after searching for a while, he saw him. Uchiha Itachi, his own brother was there, dying before him once again.

No… This couldn't be possible. Was he under a Genjutsu? He's chakra was calm, flowing normally, so it wasn't possible, right? He gulped, surprising himself for doing such thing, but he soon shove it aside from his thoughts, focusing only on his brother's dead body.

He knelt next to Itachi, slowly trying to reach him with his now trembling hand. Why was he even trembling? Stop it already Sasuke. He hissed completely annoyed with himself. After taking a deep breath, he looked once more to the body next to hi-

Wait? Where did the body go? Itachi was supposed to be there, dead next to him, so why wasn't he there?

"_Foolish brother follow me." _Itachi said softly, almost as a whisper.

Sasuke immediately turned around, trying to find the source of his brother's voice. Itachi was there, he looked a bit younger, but it was him nonetheless.

Okay, now this… Just didn't make any sense. Itachi was dead! So, why this now?

A soft and warm smile was placed on Itachi's lips. The man closed his eyes for a few seconds, to open them again and turn his back to his brother, walking away.

Sasuke tried to run, to reach his brother, just anything… But he couldn't. He felt panic run down his body. Itachi was right there, slowly walking away and he couldn't even reach him! He opened his mouth, in a desperate attempt to scream, to no avail. The boy's eyes went wide, he forced his throat to emit a sound, anything, but unfortunately nothing came out.

The raven haired boy punched the ground.

Fuck this.

He wanted to scream, to shout in anger, in panic but he couldn't. He stopped. Why was he even this concerned? Itachi was dead, he knew this oh so well, so why?

WHY!?

A smirk crept on his face. Thinking about this, was actually ironic. Only if he could laugh.

"_Nii-san… Where are you…"_

Wait… It couldn't be…

"_Why did you kill mom and dad…"_

Sasuke lifted his head, looking at the little boy in front of him. He was the perfect image of his younger self, and there he was crying while hugging his knees. "_Why did you left me behind Nii-san"_

Stop…

"_You promised…"_

Shut up.

"_I hate being alone…"_

Just fucking stop.

Sasuke tried to get up, failing over and over again. He punched the ground in frustration once again, like that would actually do something. When no sound came, the male lifted his head spotting the kid in front of him staring. The young boy did nothing but to stare. He didn't move, talk, nothing. Just stood there staring at Sasuke like he was staring into his very soul.

A mischievous smile appeared in the lips of the younger, before sending shivers down Sasuke's spine.

"It's all you fault." The young boy mumbled, approaching Sasuke in a really slow pace soon after. "Or should I say-" In a very quick motion, the younger pulled Sasuke's hair. "-our fault"

When a punch was almost hitting its target, the younger ducked, releasing his older self's hair.

Sasuke cursed at himself for failing. He looked at the young boy laughing like a maniac. The younger kept laughing and laughing, walking in circles, stopping to hold his tummy every now and then until he finally fell in his knees next to something. It looked like a body-

Oh no…

Please, not again…

"You know." The boy placed his hands softly on Itachi's face. "He really liked us…"

The more his younger self touched Itachi, the more Sasuke had the feeling something bad would happen. He tried to speak, but he soon found out he still couldn't, no matter how much he tried, his throat refused to emit any sound.

Fuck.

"Father always liked you more…" The little Sasuke mumbled, while lifting something sharp above his head.

Unable to do anything, Sasuke did nothing but watch his younger self. He felt hopeless. Useless. He tried to move, he wanted to move! But he couldn't. He just couldn't. So he just watched, the sharp object coming to his older brother.

When the boy was almost stabbing Itachi, he stopped surprised. Itachi was blinking.

Sasuke couldn't believe it. His own brother was alive, he looked like he was weak and couldn't move, but he was alive nonetheless.

And his younger self was still standing there next to Itachi-

Oh no…

"You're still alive un…? Nii-san." The little boy whispered.

Watching this, Sasuke felt relief for a moment. Maybe his younger self wouldn't do anything, after all it was his younger self right? He liked Itachi right?

Unfortunately his relief didn't last.

A crooked, sinister smile was slowly appearing in the little boy's lips.

"Let me kill you once again then!"

The younger insanely laughed, stabbing Itachi to death without any remorse. He kept stabbing and cutting, right in front of Sasuke's very eyes. The blood splattered everywhere, creating the illusion of a scarlet rain. At every stab, Sasuke groaned. He could feel every single stab, every single cut, everything Itachi was feeling, like Sasuke was the one being stabbed all this time. The pain was agonizing, starting to make him weak, therefore after some minutes struggling he fell in the ground. His eyes never left his bloody brother, no matter how much pain he felt.

When his brother stopped moving, he knew. Itachi was murdered by him.

Once again…

Sasuke closed his eyes. This was just a dream right? He just didn't know anymore!

"Oiiiii~" The kid whispered into his older self's ear. "I saved his eyes for you~" He giggled. The little kid stopped soon after, like something just came to his mind. "Oh wait… YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM!"

Shut up…

"You killed him once again~"

Shut up.

The younger danced around, playfully tracing random bloody patterns with his feet. Once he got near Itachi's dead body, he froze. "You left me again…"He kicked the dead male's face. "Wake up… Do you even have an idea of how fucking scared I was… Refusing to have friends, fearing I would lose them… And yet, you say you did this to make me strong… You didn't kill me because you loved me as an older brother…"

Stop.

"So why did you leave me again…?"

Sasuke squirmed. He wanted to-

No.

He NEEDED to shout.

And then it came. "I HATE YOU NII-SAN!"

* * *

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sasuke screamed, completely startling the red haired girl that was standing next to his door.

What. The. Fuck?

She didn't even say anything yet! Aki huffed, soon noticing the male was still in the same exact position. Sasuke didn't move an inch after his rough wake up. He just stood there, eyes even more empty than usual and with his fingertips resting on his temples, completely hiding his face. Sweat was running down his surprisingly trembling body.

The red closed her eyes, sighing. She was this boy's friend, best friend actually, for few years now and she had never seen him in such state. Opening them slowly, she started to walk towards him. She knew why he was like this, his clan, his family, his brother, his past.

Loneliness un…

She sat down next to him, her blue eyes studying the raven haired boy. No reaction was coming from the male, usually he would tell her to get of his bed, or smirk and tease her for his self-enjoyment, and yet there they were.

"Sasuke…" She finally said after a while. "I-"

"Don't." He pause and rubbed his temples in a futile attempt to organize his thoughts. "Just don't say anything." He dropped one of his hands, reveling now one of his eyes.

Well, he would need to do better since that wasn't enough to stop her. "I was about to say th-"

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY UN!? THAT YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL!? THAT YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY I AM LIKE THIS NOW!? WHY I AM SO WEAK RIGHT NOW!?" He shouted, glaring daggers at the girl. It was true, she unfortunately, for him, knew why he was like that, but even so Sasuke always denied it. "ANSWER ME!"

The girl stood there, grayish blue meeting onyx black. He smirked. "You're not going to answer un? OF COURSE YOU AREN'T BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDER-"

The girl frowned, before punching the guy in his head. Sasuke couldn't believe this, so he just remained there speechless, trying to understand what just happened.

She actually punched him… And it really hurt.

Stupid Girl.

Since the boy was nowhere near to move, Aki sighed and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. His eyes went wide, he didn't… he couldn't accept this. He struggled, trying to get free, but the red wouldn't let him go, no matter what he did.

_(I set my sail  
fly the wind it will take me  
back to my home, sweet home)_

"_Lie on my back  
clouds are making way for me  
I'm coming home, sweet home" _

She started to hum softly. He immediately recognized this stupid lullaby. When he first listened to this, they were in a mission, back to the time they were still in Konoha. Every time she had nightmares, she would hug herself, while singing this. All these years and it never changed, even now. Aki even tried to teach him the male part of this stupid shit, and she eventually managed to do so, he never forgot the lyrics, then again he would never sing them either.

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause"_

_(I see your star you left it burning for me)_

"_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

She kept humming her lullaby, trying desperately to calm him down. Her hand started to run through his hair. He stopped fighting - it's not like she would let him go anyways - so he just stood there, letting the red do whatever she wanted. When his tensed body started to relax, Aki placed his head on top of her chest, never letting the male go.

"_I dig my hole you build a wall"_

_(Eyes open wide)_

_I dig my hole you build a wall_

_(feel your heart and it's glowing)_

_One day that wall is gonna fall"_

_(I'm welcome home, sweet home)_

Listening to her heartbeats was surprisingly comforting. She wasn't the best of the singers, even so Sasuke couldn't help himself, but to enjoy this.

"_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(I take your hand)_

_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(now you'll never be lonely)_

_One day your bird is gonna fly"_

_(not when I'm home, sweet home)_

Her voice started to crack slightly. A tear rolled down her cheek, ending up on Sasuke's face. Even without that salty drop in his face, he could tell she was crying, that stupid lullaby always made her cry. Nevertheless, she was stubborn enough to sing it everytime, maybe because it make her feel better, that he didn't understand-

No. He actually didn't want to, for the simple fact he would feel even closer to her than what he already was, and that deeply inside scared him. So he just closed his eyes.

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause_

_(I see your star, you left it burning for me)_

_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

She cleaned her eyes with her free hand, letting the other play with the Uchiha's hair for a little more. "I would never-" She started. "-tell you I understand what you went through. My brother is still alive, although our parents are dead since I can remember-" She shook her head, trying to focus herself. "But well, that doesn't matter. What I want to say is that I can put myself in your place and imagine… How horrible it would be to see them die, Sasuke…" The male didn't budge. "I grew up with my brother… We were alone, I know what loneliness is and I also know what it's like to hate." She stopped abruptly.

What was she even doing? The male was still far from being fine- Was she making him feel worse? She bit her lip nervously. "I'm sorry…"

"What are you apologizing for idiot?" The male sighed.

"I don't know… It's just- I-"

"Shut up, I want to sleep."

The girl sighed, trying hard to suppress the grin in her lips.

He was fine now, maybe thanks to her, maybe not. It didn't really matter, she was happy that he was feeling better.

When she tried to get up, she realized that his arms were around her waist. She wanted to laugh at this, but that would piss him off, and taking in count how he was feeling a few moments ago, she let it slide and didn't, instead she placed her hands around him, playing a bit longer with his hair until he fell asleep.

_Lyrics by Darren Korb  
Vocals: Ashley Barrett and Darren Korb_

* * *

**A/N: **Before anything, I tried to correct this the best I managed to, I reread this 3 times already, taking 1 hour each time. It may still have mistakes though.

Okay, so I was listening to Bastion's End Theme, and so I thought 'Hey... this would make a great oneshot for Sasuke'. And it would! Until Gintoki (Gintama) and Kanda (D. Gray Man) just popped up in my head. So, I somehow (well pretty much because I'm stupid *smiley face*) ended up creating a little 'project' and writing an oneshot for the three of them... Yeah I'm pretty retarded I know.

So this little 'project' of mine is about their fears, therefore the nightmares. And why nightmares? You ask (or not), although we're never free from not fear something, we can always fight our fears and overcome them. What's nice. Really. But unfortunately we can never run away from a nightmare (only when we wake up and sometimes it take lots to do so...). And one thing's for sure: Nightmares are always freaking scary! They're basically a reflex of our fears, concerns, insecurities and mainly the things we try to forget but are stuck in our unconscious.

So basically as much as we can try fighting against it, we can never run away from nightmares.

About Sasuke... I tried to put myself in his place and imagine, what would freak me out the most (taking in count his personality, the way he thinks and sees everything, his past, basically his whole fucking self) and I got to the conclusion it would mainly be the feeling of loss. He lost his family and he ended up killing Itachi, therefore losing him. So imagine how you would feel, if you saw yourself killing someone you loved and lost. Terrible right? But well this isn't all, Sasuke is a conceited character. He has pride in himself, pride in his strength, his eyes and family, now he lost his family and went all anti-social because no matter how much he would/will deny it, he was afraid of losing them, like he lost his family. Would he admit this out loud? No, not even if he was alone, talking with himself, he would just never do it. So this is pretty much the reason why the little Sasuke started to say name all his fears and insecurities. Sasuke knows he has them, yet he denies them pretending they just don't exist, so hearing his own younger self saying how he felt when Itachi killed his family and how scared he was when that happened and after that, was driving Sasuke crazy.

I hope this explains why I focused mainly in 'Loss', if not well I'm sorry.

Nonetheless I hope you enjoyed this, I honestly think Kanda is the best out of the 3 and it was the second one I wrote (Gin was the last and yet Kanda is still the best... Oh the irony.)


End file.
